Our Appleseed Abides

Only a day a half more to go while this little one is still the size of an appleseed.  At least, I hope there's a little one.  I have to say, I'm getting a little more confident that this might really take, after hearing miscarriage rates, blighted ovum rates, etc. (being around 15%), but I still can't wait until next Monday when we get to go to the first ultrasound.  I think once I see a baby, not just a gestational sac, I'll feel a little more sure.  Until then, I keep thinking in "IF" terms.  IF this is a real baby, IF we make it to December, etc.  But really, until we make it out of the first trimester (which will be December 7th) I just don't know if I'm going to be confident about anything.  I guess it's preparing me for the worrying about this kiddo that I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life.   

I love the idea of that.

I went home to Memphis over the weekend and it was so very tough not to tell my parents and the rest of the family I saw.  I would love to tell them, but, as I said, I'm still worried it might not even be a baby, or we might not make it all the way.  Seth and I have decided to tell at Christmas.  Unless it's twins.  If it's twins, we'll tell at Thanksgiving and hope people start contributing to our save-the-Maynes fund during Christmas.  I kid.  A little.

I did have a dream a few nights ago that it was a boy and it had Seth's beautiful green eyes.  I don't care one way or the other what gender it is.  I used to think people were lying when they said that, but I really don't.  I would if it were going to be the first grandson or the first granddaughter, but my parents already have one of each, so nothing new there, and Seth's parents have none, so it'll be new no matter what.

I did have a cool thought though.  If it's a girl, we'll have four living generations of women: Memmaw, Mom, me, and baby girl.  And if it's a boy, we'll have four living generations of alternating genders:  Grandma, Dad, me, baby boy.  And for Seth's side, if it's a boy, they'll have four living generations of men.  I know... I'm a geek.  I like thinking about this stuff, okay?

As far as how I'm feeling, today was the first real wave of nausea I've had.  I actually ended up coming home from work early because of it.  But I've been sipping ginger ale and that has helped.  I've also felt incredibly fatigued today, though that may just be because ChuuChu kept me up all night with her barking.  I don't know what she wanted...  I let her out, I let her have access to food and water, I petted her.  But nothing worked for her.  Maybe she's trying to give me some practice.  

Aside from those things, I feel pretty good.  A little mentally flustered, but good.