August brought a whole lot of change for Evie. She started 7th grade at a new school - a private school where she didn't know anyone, had much smaller classes and therefore fewer potential friends, homework expectations that were very different from what she was used to, and a courseload that was incredibly challenging given what she was going through at home (divorce, still displaced from home). August and the beginning of September were by far the most challenging times for her.
She did continue to go to karate where she decided to enroll in the black belt club, which basically means that she is making a commitment to go all the way to black belt. It comes with the added benefit of different styles of classes during the week. Mondays and Tuesdays are focused on the universals and other skills that are tested in order to move belts. Wednesdays and Thursdays are sparring days, and Fridays and Saturdays are weapons days. She really enjoyed getting to use weapons for the first time.
Her first day of school was a positive experience, but by the end of the week, she was feeling like an outsider, which is understandable. Most of the girls in her class have been at that school since kindergarten, some even before that, and they have a lot of history. Evie also felt (and continues to feel even now) that the girls there are pretty homogenous, a little petty and catty as middle school girls can be, and she was having a hard time making connections with anyone. That continued through all of August and September, to the point that I was having to talk to the Head of the middle school about how rough the transition was going for Evie. Every day for the first month of school was a battle in terms of getting homework done. She felt that she was very far behind academically, that she was stupid and would never fit in. I learned that her teachers actually thought she was incredibly bright, that other than her grammar class she was doing well, except that homework was not being turned in. Evie was so overwhelmed every day after school that homework that should have taken 15 minutes would easily take 45 minutes as she sat there angsting over her perceived ineptitude, the amount she had to do, the purpose of said homework, etc. Eventually we decided it would be best for her to drop her Latin class because a language wasn't required and that would give her a study hall to get her homework done and she could go see the learning specialist during that time period to get help with organization. Between that support at school, the additional time to finish her work, some tough love, some therapy, and a whole community of family and friends, we made it through the first month of school... They basically gave her a pass on everything for the first mid-quarter out of consideration for the circumstances Evie was dealing with.
I want to make it clear that I think Evie handled this upheaval in her life with an incredible maturity. She could easily have thrown tantrums or given up. Seventh grade would have been hard even if her parents weren't getting a divorce and she was staying at her own school and in her own home. Add in all of the changes she was experiencing and it's no wonder she was having a difficult time. Six months later (at the time I'm finally writing this), I can see that I made the right choice to continue to have her push through and not give up, but I seriously considered homeschooling her or having her take a leave (suggested by the Head of the middle school). I know those first several weeks were torture for her, and I think she is so much stronger and mature that I would have been at her age. She is an absolute inspiration.
Around the middle of August, we learned that by mid-September, Evie and I would be back in our house. This happened to coincide with Matt's discovery of a stray cat who was hanging out by the cottages at the navy base he works at. This cat (named Cotto by the navy staff) was very friendly, had no fear of people, and very much loved getting pets. Matt mentioned to me and Evie that every time he would go to the cottages, Cotto would be there waiting for him. Now, it so happens that before we had to leave our house, I had made a deal with Evie that if she could keep her room clean for a year, she could get an animal that would live just in her room. At the time, it seemed likely that said animal would be of the rodent variety because Seth was allergic to cats and rabbits, and I put my foot down about snakes and fish. However, given that cat allergies were no longer going to be a problem, I told Evie that if Cotto was still in need of a home by the time we got into our house again, he could come live with us, if his temperament was as Matt had described. So one day in late August, we went out to meet Cotto and sure enough, he came trotting over to us. We had brought a food bowl and water dish, and Evie went to pour food for him and Cotto clearly knew what a food bag was. He immediately began rubbing all over it, to the point Evie couldn't even put the food in the bowl without spilling it from Cotto knocking it over. She was smitten.
Of course, now that we had met the cat and thought he would come home with us, Evie worried about him and wanted him to be protected. There was no way we could bring him to my friend's home where we were staying, so I concocted a plan with Matt for the cat to stay at his apartment for the 2-3 weeks until Evie and I were back home. We trapped him one day and took him to the vet for shots, a check up, confirmation that he was a he (Evie was prepared to rename him Cotta if he'd been misgendered), and confirmation that he was already fixed (he was). We took him to Matt's apartment, got him settled in with litter and food, and Cotto began his recovery from life on the streets.
I tried as much as I could to give Evie some normalcy and stability, and so I organized some playdates with her friends. This included taking Desmond to the fair in early September and let me tell you, they were the cutest thing! He insisted on paying for everything for her, wanted to (and did) win her prizes, encouraged her when she beat him at games, adoringly watched her go on rides that were a little too much for him, and generally made her feel good. In the car on the way, they talked about school, about what they would do when they grew up (he wants to build animatronics, like robots that will take care of household chores for you, and Evie said, "Well, don't replace me," and he replied, "Nothing could replace you."). In the car on the way home, they were play fighting in that way that tweens do as an excuse to touch each other and hold hands, and he ended up asking her if she would go trick-or-treating with him on Halloween. It was the most darling thing.
No comments:
Post a Comment