Girl Talk

 This is one of those weeks where I don't mind that my baby is not a baby anymore.  The past few months, I've noticed how much Evie is completely done with that young childhood mode (no more lap snuggles, no more nighttime reading together, for example), and she's more like a little teenager.  Sometimes that makes me sad, but this week it was very fun to be able to talk to her about more grown-up topics that she raised.

Sunday morning and afternoon, while we were in the car to and from church and a friend's house in Mississippi, Evie decided she was ready for a conversation about womanhood, including things biological, anatomical, and the socio-political and historical events that make being a woman difficult.  She's already had "the talk" from me and from school - though I've been talking to her about such things since she was little, always at an age-appropriate level.  This weekend, though, she was a sponge, soaking up all the information I could give her and she peppered me with questions through our entire time in the car.  In fact, when our drive was interrupted by a brief stop for some gas, I got back into the car and she said, "Okay, back to girl talk."  I'm glad she's comfortable with asking me about these topics.

This also somehow led to a deep conversation about depression.  She asked me, "Mama, have you ever loved someone more when they're gone?"  I thought for a minute and said, "No, I don't think so.  Have you?"

E: Yes.  Grandma Jeanne.

M: Tell me more about that.

E: Well, when I was little, I didn't really understand the way that she would look at me.  But I get it now.

M: What do you mean, the way she would look at you?

E: Just that.... She loved me.  And I didn't understand it then, but I do now.

M: Oh, yes, she loved you.  She loved you so very much, she loved all of us so very much.

(Evie starts crying)

M: And it's okay to cry about that.  It's okay to remember someone and cry, because you're sad they're gone or because the memories are just... her love coming back to you all over again.

E: It's hard.

M: I know, I understand.

E: Remember when the family would come over and sit outside during the pandemic and we'd have lunch, and then I'd go inside?  Do you know what I was doing while I was inside?

M: What?

E: I would go in and play that song that reminds me of her ("Memories" by Maroon 5) and I would cry.  I think that was the first time I felt depressed.

M: Awww, baby, I'm sorry.  I didn't know.  I guess with her not being there, and she had just died, then when we were all together it would remind you of her, and we talked about her a lot too.

E: Yeah.  I just wish.... When the dogs died, when I was younger, I had a great imagination and I would look up in the clouds and think that I could see ChuuChu.  I can never get that imagination back.

M: I know, honey.  Growing up changes a lot of things like that.  And I'm sorry you were so sad.  I'm sure you were also lonely from the pandemic and you were stuck at home with just grown-ups and didn't get to play with other kids, and that probably contributed to your imagination not being as active.

E: Yeah... the pandemic was hard and I don't ever want to go through another.

M: Me neither.

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Hard as that conversation was, I'm glad we had it. 

In other news...  Last weekend when Evie and Eden were playing at the playground, they were interested in some rocks they had found and Evie was asking Matt about them.  Since he was a science major, he was totally into it and they spent a while going through each rock with him explaining to her what made the rocks shaped like that or what they were made of.

Evie is enjoying safety patrol at school.  This week she is on flag duty so I was able to park down the street and catch her in action.

Yesterday, our church did a fundraiser for the youth group which involved the kids delivering hug to the members of the church.  I snapped this pic of Evie hugging Susan, our music director, who has been very sweet to Evie and helped her work on some solos and duets she's sung in church.  You can see little Lydia in tow behind Evie.  Evie was helping her find the right people to deliver hugs to, and I overheard her say to Lydia on the way back to their seats, "Isn't it so good to see people's faces look happy when you give them a hug?"  I used to say that to her when she was little and a bit shy and unsure about doing hug delivery.

Sunday night, we went to April and Jason's for our annual Evie & Ivy Super Bowl party.  They have two dogs who were smitten with Evie (and who isn't?).

Ivy quite thoughtfully put together a bag of candy as a Valentine's Day gift for Evie, so I snapped a picture of them together while Evie opened her bag. They had a great time together, playing dress up and making a movie trailer in the backyard while we watched the game.

Much as she is growing up, I'm glad I can still sneak in and kiss her cheek after she falls asleep each night.