Abba

Dear Evie,

As I hope you will find out one day, when you live your life with someone, you come to love the people they love.  Their family becomes your family, and, if you're lucky, their family treats you like family.  Your Daddy's grandfather, who we called Abba, certainly did that for me.  I met Abba when Daddy and I were engaged, and from the beginning, he welcomed me like a granddaughter.  There was no distance or coldness, just acceptance and warmth.

We visited Abba and Pat a few times over the last few years, though not as often as we would have liked.  For a while, they lived outside of Portland and in the last few years, they've lived in Florida.  In fact, I was hoping we would see Abba and Pat when we go to Florida in August.  I remember your first visit to Abba and Pat's house.  They had recently returned from southeast Asia.  They loved to travel, and we loved to hear about the places they'd been and the adventures they'd had.  They were delighted with you - who isn't?  We visited them in Florida when you were two.   I thought you might be a little intimidated by Abba because, in general, men are more intimidating to children, and he moved pretty stiffly.  You kept your distance at first, but you were very curious about him and even sought him out if he left the room.  By the end of the trip, you were willing to sit next to him on their leather reclining loveseat, and gave him a hug.  The last time you saw Abba was in October, and you were much more comfortable with him.  You were always interested in the vinyl apron he wore at mealtimes which was covered in drawings of cats.  You enjoyed playing games on the floor in front of him and answering his questions, and you showed him how to play games on the iPad.

I'm sorry that the last time you saw Abba will remain the last time you saw Abba.  He passed away today, following complications from pneumonia.  It was fairly sudden, as these things go, and we certainly thought there would be many more years with visits to Florida.

Abba always reminded me of your Daddy.  Very intelligent, knowledgeable about a wide variety of things.  Your Daddy always said he thought if we got Abba and your Grannadaddy in one room, you would have all of the knowledge in the world at your disposal.  Abba was concerned about the well-being of his family members, always asking how people were doing and giving us updates about other people in the family.  He was frank, like your Daddy, and would tell you what was on his mind and what his opinion was, and he, liked your Daddy, had a soft spot for girls.  He ended his prayers with "and bless the girls, cause they're sweet."

Abba died today, the 13th anniversary of my first date with your Daddy, and it makes me think about how you just never know...  You never know when you first meet someone how that relationship will ripple out to affect your life.  When your Daddy and I started dating, if you think of it as a pebble drop into a calm lake, think of everything those ripples set in motion.  The people I've met because I was with your Daddy, the places we've been together, the changes in our lives together versus what our lives would have been if we weren't together.  I am so glad that Abba was one of those ripples.  I learned a lot from him, not only about the world, but about your Daddy - not just stories about your Daddy as a kid, but a little more understanding about your Daddy's personality.  I always felt like it was a glimpse into my future life with your Daddy when we were with Abba.  Your Daddy had very high respect and regard for Abba, and I think he somewhat modeled himself after him.  He was certainly someone worthy of being a model for your life.

I wish your paths had crossed more.

Love,
Mama