Passing

Dear Evie,

Tonight as I rocked you to sleep, singing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus", exactly two years since I first began that tradition with with you, in the wake of Memmaw's passing around 5pm on January 16, 2013, I couldn't help but get a little broken up.  While some of my tears were shed specifically for Memmaw, who was a wonderful grandmother, who loved her children and grandchildren, and really all kids, with a tender heart, who took great care to invest her time and energy in getting to know and entertain and teach children... while some of my tears were for her and for the memories I have of playing board games and tennis with her, looking at her stamp collection and the one she made for me, listening to her talk about the different flowers in the yard and the birds in the air, enjoying her homemade meatballs and chocolate ice cream (i.e., vanilla + Hershey's syrup + the perfect wrist action that only Memmaw had that would whip a special layer of creaminess into the dessert)...  while some of my tears were for her and for those memories, there was more to it.

We laid Aunt Jane to rest on Sunday, and as another member of my grandparents' generation passed, I noticed how at peace with the idea of death I have become, especially compared to my teenage years and my early twenties.  Aunt Jane was the twin sister of my grandfather, Mouse (Grannadaddy's daddy), and she had put up a good fight against cancer for the 4 months that the doctors told her she would have.  She felt good right up until a week before she passed, and she went in the home of her granddaughter and surrounded by family.  It reminded me, of course, of my Grandaddy Mouse's passing on December 3, 2007, not because Grandaddy was in the same circumstance when it happened - he was in the hospital - but because, like his twin sister, he had been diagnosed with cancer not long before he departed and he too was with family: Kathy and Tia.  And Aunt Jane's passing reminded me of Pappaw's (Granna's daddy) which occurred the day after Christmas, 2008.  Like Jane, I think Pappaw held on for that last holiday and I believe that he heard the laughter and fellowship of his 5 children, their spouses, and the many grandchildren who were celebrating Christmas in Pappaw and Memmaw's house that year.  And when he passed, Memmaw was holding his hand and his 5 children and I were there to see him into the arms of God.  And Memmaw.  Two years ago this evening, she had her 5 children and 3 of her grandchildren there, singing to her, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus", as she too met her Lord.

So I think my tears tonight, in part, were of thanksgiving for the peaceful passings of these wonderful people, Memmaw, Pappaw, Grandaddy, Aunt Jane, and for the fact that they had their children and grandchildren with them when the time came.  Something about that is comforting.  Not everyone has the privilege of dying with their loved ones present and I am so grateful that my grandparents had that.  For me, having been there with Granna's parents, it has made the idea of death far less frightening.  I hope that is the way I will go.  With you by my side.

Love always,
Mama